PSP is for People (with) Small Penis!

HOLY Jesus H shit! I cannot believe kids these days using Dr. Cooper's Cellular tele-switch 2-way communications microwave radio device! Just like food all these gizmos are shrinking faster than Regis Philbins penis!! Back in the day when I first met Dr. Cooper he stole the idea for the so called "cell-phone" from ME!!! Back in the day I had a complicated system of carrier pigeons, and serbian raised russian hamsters-- Basically how it worked was when I need to harrass someone and find out where they were, I would perform a series of complex hand gestures before these animals using the techniques I learned after being the only Canadian to go to Vietnam and be captured-- I was taught these techniques by a Viet Cong general named Pholang Duan-- The inventor of the popular food "Pho"... anyway I dont want to get off track-- but the basically the carrier pigeons would carry the hamsters to the person I requested-- then drop the serbian raised russian hamsters on my friend-- the hamsters would attack the person and I would follow the screams in order to make plans and give a bevy of harrasing questions. SO that jerk stole my idea, but instead using microwaves which are even more deadly than hamsters! Speaking of stealing gadgets-- back when I was digging in the Russian mountains to find some more russian hamsters for my wireless communications system-- I came upon a small village, in that village they played a game... that game was pretty basic it involved dropping large Ice-blocks from the top of the mountain, when they completed a line of blocks someone near the bottom shot the ice-blocks and cleared the line-- sound familiar? You should know it-- it was originally called "Uncle Jon's Escape from the Monkey Egg Princess"-- but when the Nintenjews got their hands on it (and stole it) they renamed it Tetris. I had invented a portable system to play my new game... I called it the Uncle Jon's Acid battery driven portable entertainment system, UJABDPES for short.
It was Jon sized-- perfect for portable gaming-- It was powered by 50 Radio Vacume tubes which I charged with a car battery. Those Japanese with their small penii were totally offended and ashamed by the sheer Jon sized beauty of the UJABDPES so they stole it- used some ninjas on me and shrunk it to match their miniscule man-meat. Of course with my stolen game, and my stolen system those Japs made quadrillions of dollars. Those damn Ninjas they threw pepper in my eyes and made me drink sake until I gained 50 pounds and couldn't escape in my drunken stupor. Well anyway the moral of the story is the size of the gadgets you use is evidence of the size of your penis, don't trust japs... and if a Ninja is coming after you, just shoot him in his jesus hating anti-lutheran head!!

The power of the gentleman's club

I just wanted to let everyone know that using the power of the gentleman's club got that Jewy show "Everyone Loves [Hates] Raymond. After reading my blog they had to take it off the air. Be afraid of my power!!

Jon Wars Episode Three

I haven't posted in a while because I have been really busy with my latest reflected picture story called Star Wars Episode 3. You may have heard of it-- Many of the fans remember my movie debut, I get a lot of fan mail and pussay when people find out my illustrious acting career and my famous Cocacaine snuffing pals, like George Lucas... So you still don't remember my Character? Click the pic below to refresh your memory god dammit!



Yes that's right!! I played myself-- now the name Jabba comes from one of my favorite bands Abba... the J is for Jon and I live in a Hut in the forest where the illuminati can't track my bowl movements. So for those who didn't know... the big secret is out-- It was a huge role for me, and I also had a lot of influence on the direction of star-wars because Lucas is one of my best friends, and is also part of my Ottawa Gentleman's club.

This is Me and George having a Vodka-candle lit discussion. He dropped the Droid bomb and outed C3P0-- I was so shocked I felt a little bit of excrement poke out!



I hate to brag (okay I lied I love bragging!!) But I am going to be in Episode 3, I inspire george by my manly physique, my language skills-- I will be the best Jabba ever!

Now let me throw in some spoilers:

1. Episode 3 is really one giant metaphor for terri schaivo- with Anakin representing pro abortion, baby killing jews... and yoda represents my inner desire for pizza.

2. I fucked princess "Lay me" Leia in Episode 6-- it's on the DVD outakes in a secret menu-- just add my waste size and the number of nipples on my body-- type it on the remote and hit menu... You can see the whole sensual journey that George cut for a more thematic approach to the chained up princess scene.

3. We actually filmed the movies in order, but travelled back to the golden era of cinema (the late 70's) to release them... which means in a few years I will get to star in episode 4 after it's already been released!! pretty cool eh.

4. Yoda is a midget from new jersey, who became green after mixing New Coke with absolute vodka.. we can't explain it-- but all we know is that he is the damn finest actor on earth.

5. C3P0 is gay... Which makes him evil... details to be released in episode 7 when Jesus comes down to fight darth vadar during Armageddon and C3P0 is the gay robotic anti-christ!!

6. Natalie Portman is a fat, ugly bitch who can't act... stupid cunt also tried to eat my Krispy Kreme!

7. Star Wars is Real!!

Okay well I am going down to sign autographs at endless line ups across the almighty America! Look for the White Van with the Jabba sign, smoke machine, and laser show!

and remember we must protect the Republic(can party) from anyone who wishes to destroy it! Jedi-Out!