Jonny 911: Resucing parents from kids who just won't shut the fuck up!

With the success of the limey Import "Nanny 9/11", I decided to cash in on the horrible children market. Children are getting worse, so naturally shares in programms that eliminate problem children are skyrocketing. Almagamted Coat Hangers (ACHI on the Hang Sen Index) had gone through the roof. When I saw this I reach my zenith of angry (for dates of April 5th inclusive). I ask myself what could I do get some money to get more food (mmm food, metal note get buffalo chicken wings...hey stop reading my mental notes assholes, that was personal! I could have been thinking of sex or something. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!)

Well anyways back to stupid children raise but fuckhead paretns. Here's the outline of Jonny 9/11.

Step 1: I eat some chicken

Step 2: I wipe my greasy hands on my archeologist's uniform and then answer the phone. "Hell, WHat the fuck do you want? What? Is that still on? Cupon I didn't give no cupons! Right! Yes, that was in my short lived magazine 'Modern Joncontent'. I be right over"

Step 3: Charge my rascal scooter.

Step 4: Put on a cape

Step 5: Get lost, find a Mc Donalds and tock up for the long treck a head

Step 6: Stop by "Archeology Depot" but some supplies

Step 7: Kkock down the door, and thusly scaring those little shits. This should scare them little fucks good.

Step 8: Whip out "ol' whippy Mc Whippington" and whip the children

Step 8.1: Break their stupid toys (steal the good ones like that vibrtating elmo)

Step 9: Load them in My white van with no widows and drive to my layer (aka mom's basement)




Step 10: Have those little shits over for the quietest sleep over ever. Make noise and you go into my Obiette (that's frog talk for place of forgetting)

Step 11: Bring them back 13 hours later than promised. "Tuck and roll kids, this van stops only for pussy"

Step 12: Phone parents and remindd them if they are bad "Uncle Jon is coming for family dinner", if they are horrible "They are going to take a trip to uncle Jon's Cabin in the woods" and that I am Santa and must be appeased.



Step 13: More food and a Cheap hooker (or two if I do really good)

Jon 9/11's success rate?

100% of little shits shut the fuck up and parents can drink all the booze they want in peace. I was so good these children raised themselves.